Bryan Applies for a Job
by jojoDO
Summary: Another tale in Bryan's epic journey called life. Bryan spends all of his money on ammo, so he needs a job to pay for food and other basic necessities. But where could a zombie cyborg with his resume POSSIBLY get a job?


Bryan was at the supermarket, buying his groceries for the week. He was trying to stay on task and buy food, but he was starting to succumb to temptation and finally went over to sporting goods.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to check out the latest iron..." Bryan muttered as he approached the gun and knife counter. To his disappointment, there was nothing new.

"God dammit! I've already got one of everything up here!" Bryan yelled aloud. He slammed his fist on the counter, startling the clerk who was reading an outdoor magazine.

"Hey assholes! Get some new shit!" Bryan yelled.

"Um sir, could you like... buy something or leave?" the clerk said in a dull voice.

"Ugh, fine! Just give me 10 boxes of .357, .308, hell, just give me some of everything."

After filling a plastic bag to the top with boxes of ammunition, Bryan decided to get back on track and buy food. As he made his way to produce, he bumped into a little kid, who had a scared look on his face.

"Hey, watch where you're going, you little shit!" Bryan grunted.

"Excuse me..," the child said meekly. "Have you... seen my mommy?"

Bryan scratched the back of his head. "Gee I dunno, was she the blonde with the nice tits back in jewelry? Hey if she is, tell her I helped you and maybe get her digits for me."

The kid suddenly grabbed Bryan's Python out of his holster.

"Hey, this is neato!" the kid yelled, pointing it and pretending to shoot like a cowboy.

"So you like it, huh? You can have it." Bryan said with a grin.

"Thanks mister!" the kid yelled. He then skipped merrily down the aisles, waving the gun all around.

"Warms my heart to see a youngun with such enthusiasm..." Bryan said as he walked onward and whistled. Finally he made his way to the checkout and put his items on the counter. Surprisingly, Hwoarang was working the checkout that day.

"Hey, is that you Hwoarang? What the hell are you doing here?" Bryan asked.

"Um, well funny story... I was discharged from the military." Hwoarang said with a laugh.

"Heh, what'd you do?"

"I spray painted the tanks with my Resistance logo."

"Really, that's all you did?"

"Well that, and I stole one and tried to shoot Jin Kazama with it."

"Oh, well that's a different story then."

"Yeah, it sucks! Now I can't get anything but this crappy job Baek hooked me up with!" Hwo yelled, unaware that the manager was behind him.

"Why don't you quit then, punk?" the manager asked, causing Hwoarang to jump.

"Um, that's okay sir! I love it here, sir!" Hwoarang said with a cheesy grin and a salute. The manager rolled his eyes and walked off.

"Bastard..." Hwoarang muttered. "If I wasn't stuck here, I would go into law enforcement..."

"Hey, I used to be a cop." Bryan chimed in. "Before I was let go, that is."

"Really? Was it something to do with your involvement in drug deals?"

"What? No, I was f***ing the captain's daughter and he found out. Then I tried to pin it on Lei, but I'm not a very good liar."

"Oh."

Hwoarang rung up the outrageous bill and Bryan paid it and went on his way, seemingly unfazed by how much he had spent. The realization didn't hit him until he happened to stop by a vending machine.

"Hmm, well I am more thirsty than Anna at a singles bar..." Bryan said to himself as he reached into his pocket for a dollar. But to his surprise, his pocket was empty!

"What the shit?! Aw hell, I'm all out of money!"

Bryan pouted as he stared at the ice cold soda.

"You know what? I'll improvise."

Bryan kicked the machine so hard, the front dented inward and created a huge hole. He then reached his hand in and pulled out a soda.

"FURY! I saw that!" a familiar voice bellowed from out of nowhere. As soon as Bryan heard it, he let out a sigh.

"God dammit officer oinky, I ain't got time for your bullshit."

"Too bad!" Lei yelled, somersaulting in mid air and landing in front of Bryan. "It's my duty to uphold the law of this fair town, and this act of theft can't go unansw-"

Lei was cut off by a Mach Kick to the face which rendered him unconscious. Bryan pushed his shopping cart onward without another word.

 **BACK AT BRYAN'S HOUSE**

"Dammit, I don't have a f***ing cent left in the house!" Bryan cursed as he guzzled his soda and threw the bottle into a wall.

"Maybe I have some in the... no, I don't have a bank account. I carry all my money in my pocket because I would whoop anyone's ass who would be stupid enough to try and rob me."

Bryan plopped onto the couch and buried his head in his hands.

"That means I really am broke... what do I do now? I can't just go rob places or Lei will never get off my dick. I guess I have no choice but to... find a job."

The next morning Bryan went and checked the mail, flipping off his disgusted neighbors who looked at him in his boxers. He plopped onto the couch and flipped through the news until he found job openings.

"Let's see... oh, man whore is definitely a possibility. But I'll save that for a last resort..."

Bryan skimmed up and down as he named off the potential jobs he could apply for.

"Plumber... no, I'm too sexy to be in the shit business. Pizza man? No, the pizza would never make it to the house... ooh, cop! Oh wait... hey, maybe I could just go kill Wulong and then rejoin! Ah, but with all the lawsuits nowadays, I would never get away with the shit I used to do."

Bryan threw his head back and massaged his eyes. His options really seemed limited. That's when he caught something intriguing out of the corner of his eye.

"Hey, what is THIS?" Bryan yelled as he snatched up the newspaper and squinted his eyes.

"Apply for Violet Systems today! Looking for attractive people with an enthusiasm for robots."

Bryan put his hand to his chin.

"Hey, I'm attractive! And I AM a robot! Well, kinda, but I'm robot enough!"

And with that, Bryan hopped in his car and headed for the large company to apply for a job.

 **VIOLET SYSTEMS MAIN HEADQUARTERS**

"Cmon Lee, you know me, ya f***ing fruitcake." Bryan said with his arms folded. Lee ignored Bryan as he skimmed through his resume.

"Hmmm... hmmm... mmm hmm... hmmmm... this is not good."

"Wha- what do you mean!"

"Well Mr. Fury, your criminal record is quite simply the largest in existence and reading all of these charges isn't humanly possible."

Lee clapped his hands and a Combot emerged from out of nowhere. The Combot picked up Bryan's paperwork and started to name off his numerous crimes.

"MASSMURDERGRANDTHEFTAUTOVANDALISMSEXUALASSULTRECKLESSDRIVINGKIDNAPPINGPOSSESSIONOFILLEGALSUBSTANCESWITHINTENTTODISTRIBUTEPUBLICINTOXICATIONAGGRAVATEDASSAULTAGGRAVATEDBATTERYBREAKINGANDENTERINGPUBLICURINATIONPUBLICNUDITY200COUNTSOFPROSTITUTIONDRIVINGUNDERTHEINFUENCEOFALCOHOLANDSUBSTANCESFAILURETOAPPEARINCOURTELUDINGARRESTRESISTINGAPOLICEOFFICERINTERFERINGWITHANINVESTIGATION"

The Combot shook and spasmed before exploding into a thousand tiny pieces. It hadn't even made it halfway down the list.

"See? I simply cannot allow a ruffian like you to work in my company." Lee said with a shrug. "Besides... you don't have the look."

"The look?! THE LOOK?! And just what is the look, you fruity little... fruit pie!"

Lee motioned behind him to his staff of leggy blondes and brunettes, all wearing miniskirts.

"Oh, I see what you mean."

Suddenly a grin spread across Bryan's face.

"I guess it's a darn shame that Violet Systems discriminates based on gender."

Lee suddenly got a worried expression. "Wha-what are you talking about?"

"I'm just sayin, it seems like you turn down every guy who comes through here, no matter what his credentials. Kinda sexist if you ask me. Gee, I'd hate for the public to find out, especially with what goes on behind closed doors between you and your employees..."

Lee gave an annoyed expression and pulled out his checkbook.

"What do you want?"

"I want... $1,232,343,444,333,643,578,195,246,000,000,000. And one night with your secretary."

"Umm... I'm not sure I have that much."

"Okay... $1,000,000. And I get to smack your secretary's ass."

"Done!"

The two of them shook hands and Lee presented Bryan with a check for one million dollars. Bryan felt like jumping for joy right then and there.

"WOOOO! Now I've got enough to buy food AND satisfy my gun fetish!"

As Bryan later made his way to the bank to cash his check, Lei Wulong appeared in front of him wearing his kung fu garb.

"I don't need weapons to kill you! Fight me one on one, Fury!"

Bryan watched with his arms folded as Lei showed off his kung fu moves and performed several flips and cartwheels.

"HEEYA! HAA! HOOO! HOOOA! HEEEYAAAHAAAA! OOOOOWAAAAH! HIYAAAA!"

Bryan finally just rolled his eyes and Mach Punched Lei into a street light.

 **THE END**


End file.
